Raptorous Flow

Raptors basketball. Playoffs. Game 5 of what is quickly becoming a signature series for basketball in the city of Toronto, in the country of Canada. Today, my voice sounds like I've been using sandpaper flavored cough drops and my capacity for processing emotions is similar to a teenage girl at a Bieber concert (damn right I'm going to use as many Canadian references as I can). I am considering retiring from attending professional sporting events because I am almost certain that they will never live up to what I've just experienced. Positive psychologists have this term called "flow," which is this altered state where you're just so into something that time oozes like molasses, your whole being is vibrant and awake, and nothing else exists in the world but that thing. In essence, you are that thing. For 3 hours, 20,000 strangers were the Raptors. An organic beast that subsisted on Lowry fadeaway 3s, preened with Drake branded lint rollers, roared with DeRozan faces and scatted Salmons bricks. Being in a flow state (indeed any emotional state) also tends to affect your memories, so that moments that are teeming with feeling tend to stand out in relief against the monotony of daily life. These are called flashbulb memories because you tend to remember their vividness and saturation as if frozen in that space where a camera shutter opens and a flash flares. These memories seem indelibly etched in the quilt of your consciousness; however, over time they tend to become imperfect, frayed by information learned later and your own biases. So while it's still fresh and relatively unfiltered, here are some moments captured from the Flow.

Flashbulb 1: The National Anthem

I have a recording of this event on my phone. It's about a minute long and it's loud. My friend Steve was watching at home and texted me that it sounded loud on tv. I can tell you that it was louder than any audio recording device could really convey. It was loud in terms of amplitude certainly, but also in an emotional sense, a comforting sense. If nothing else, every Canadian knows that something athletically great is about to happen when the anthem singer is only allowed to get to "...with all our sons command..." before he gives the microphone over to the crowd and they respond with their hearts all aglow. It's a signal to everyone to settle in and warm up those vocal cords with off-key patriotism. It's also a warning cry to the opposition that this is going to be a long and very loud night.

Flashbulb 2: Opening tip-off

Everyone is dressed in white with our House Starkian playoff slogan emblazoned on our chests in black crayon. I'm not sure how many people realize the irony of wearing Brooklyn colours to cheer on the Raptors but no one is commenting on it. We are standing and emitting a sound that is reminiscent of Niagara Falls. It has been this way since the national anthem. LET'S GO RAPTORS begins from the upper bowl and cascades down throughout the stadium until it feels like we are a wave pounding against a rock made of Garnett. He wins the tip anyway. We all sit down but the place is seething, ready to explode. When that first Lowry 3 swishes, the crowd finds another gear. DE FENCE has never sounded more menancing.

Flashbulb 3: Lowry Heave of Happiness

The second quarter was definitely the happiest. The raps went on this incredible surge to end the quarter, so that a once modest single digit lead ballooned to a large double digit advantage. For a good 5 minutes, it seemed everything was right in the world (except John Salmons) and you could sense the crowd relax and really start to enjoy themselves. Suddenly we're up by 15 and the Raptors have 2 seconds left to travel the length of the court, Lowry receives the inbounds pass, accelerates past all the Nets, past and present, and launches an off balance prayer, which hits the backboard and caroms harmlessly aside like a thousand other halftime sh... wait, what is going on? WHAT IS GOING ON? DID THAT GO IN?! THAT WENT IN! The whole stadium just erupts in pure joy, the loudest and happiest moment of the night by far. I am literally uncoordinated with ecstasy. I am 0 for 2 in high fiving random strangers.

Flashbulb 4: Jonas the Beast

We come back from halftime and find that the crowd is both a little tardy and coming down a bit from the emotional high that preceded the half. Then Jonas reminds us why we're here. We feed the post and Jonas feeds on all manner of Net forward. Mason Plumlee gets hit with four straight bone crushing shoulders before succumbing weakly to a buttery soft right hook. KG gets victimized on a no jump catch-and-shoot. Mirza Teletetovic? He becomes well coiffed road kill, as Jonas gives him one massive back down and drains a short jumper. Jonas has become the beast and it is terrifying to behold.

Flashbulb 5: The Dark Comedy of Chucky

Given his relative destruction of the Nets frontcourt, you would think that at minimum, Jonas would earn some actual time on the court. Coach Casey didn't think so. Instead, we are treated to 10,000 solid minutes of Chuck Hayes. As far as I can tell, Chuck Hayes can do two things on a basketball court: set screens and play passable post defence. Chuck Hayes is tasked with defending Mirza Teletovic, a man who does not score in the post. Mirza hits two wide open 3s. He misses two other equally wide open 3s. This is going well. Chuck Hayes cannot jump higher than I can jump (Note: I am an Asian male). I have never seen him take any shot that didn't look like a strange combination of a shot put and a convulsion. Until tonight that is, because the shot clock is winding down and suddenly the ball is in Chuck's hands at the right elbow. He is unleashing a 20 foot, one handed, one legged tear drop in slow motion. His form reminds me of an elephant watering a garden. And of course it splashes through. It is the only field goal he will make this night.

Flashbulb 6: Joe Johnson Cometh & Tyeth

Things are going reasonably well ending the third and beginning the fourth quarter. We are holding a 20 point plus lead, our offence is clicking on all cylinders. The fans are content but there is also an undercurrent of uneasiness. My friend Grace is not a Maple Leafs fan. She does not understand what it means to hold a large lead in a playoff game at the Air Canada Centre. It is petrifying. Everyone else in the stadium understands that the Raptors need to maintain the same level of intensity to reach the finish line. By the beginning of the fourth we can all feel that intensity slipping. Then the nailbiting starts.

You see, the main reason I was nervous was that starting in the middle of the third quarter, the Raptors stopped playing defence. They were simply outscoring the Nets. That is a recipe for disaster. In this series, disaster's name is Joe Johnson. It started innocuously, a couple of catches in the low post leading to easy scores. No one is really worried until he starts raining 3s and eating Salmons lunch. Suddenly, the lead has shrunk to the mid-teens, the-low teens, single digits. Alan Andersen makes a 4 point play. Mirza narrowly misses a 4 point play. Deron gets a steal and an uncontested layup. No Raptor seems willing to even attempt a shot, let alone make one. There is a horror and helplessness descending on the crowd, who are now cheering frantically, desperately trying to ward off impending doom. Then there is only Joe Johnson, a black spectre spotting up for a 3 on the right wing, getting a pass in transition and rising up to tie the game. I sit down as he releases, face in my hands, knowing how this story ends.

Flashbulb 7: Lowry's Sideaway

That was the low point. The feeling of utter helplessness and dejection, the energy of the building slowly being crushed under the weight of a blown 26 point lead.

Enter Kyle Lowry, stage right. Kyle Lowry is about to become KYLE LOWRY. First, he hits two free throws. The ACC exhales a bit. Then Kyle takes a charge because that's really the best part about Kyle. The crowd senses a change in momentum. It becomes really loud, really fast. Then Kyle is being chased around the perimeter by two different Nets, he starts right then spins wildly to his left. We are all confused as to his plan. Then he launches a terrible, sideways, fadeaway 3 that Kyle Lowry should've missed. Except this is KYLE LOWRY or more accurately KYLE MOTHERF*****G LOWRY. So of course it's a 3, it's a 5 point lead. We all momentarily believe.

Flashbulb 8: AAs 4 point play

Then Amir Johnson fouls out on an Alan Andersen 4 point play with 9 seconds left and we are really not sure anymore. I realize that both Grace and I are clasping our hands in prayer. She looks pleadingly at me. I cannot comfort her.

Flashbulb 9: The End

The last 4.6 seconds were the most insane. Andray Blatche has never been booed harder in his life. He hits his first free throw, Raps up 2. We boo harder. He accidentally-on-purpose misses his second free throw. Momentary relief. Shaun Livingston somehow flies in and tips out the rebound back to Blatch. There is a moment of absolute terror as he and I notice a wide open Deron Williams behind the 3 point line with 3 seconds left. He passes and in that moment I can feel every single one of my playoff disappointments collide with my gut, robbing me of my breath and my sanity. I am picturing Deron catching the ball, calmly rising up and destroying the hopes and dreams of every Canadian basketball fan.

Instead a miracle happens. Blatche launches his pass high into the starry night. Deron scrambles to retrieve it and launches a desperation 3, it is clearly offline. I rise up to my toes to celebrate, except that Jonas has inexplicably tried to block it on a downward trajectory. That is what's known as goaltending. The clock counts down to 0. We are jubilant anyways. The ref makes some sort of large hand gesture and somehow the game is not over. The clock is at 0 and the game is not over. We are confused and scared again. Then, in the most dramatic way possible, Herbie, our in game announcer says "The ruling on the floor is...." It is the pause that happens before you are pushed off a cliff, that hangs in the air and stretches for eternity. "...Backcourt violation."

We have done it. There is a review and an inbounds pass with 1 second left but that is the moment when we know we have done it. Faced our playoff demons and slayed them. It is poignant, it is sweet, it is exhausting. There is confetti and cheering and smiling faces. I've reached the summit of my live sporting event career. I finally high five a random stranger.