What the curd?

First, watch this spectacle (link)

Now, read on.

My first ever experiencing of a MLE (Major League Eating) sanctioned event was difficult to describe. On the one hand there is a certain amount of admiration, perhaps admiration is too generous of a word, how about: incredulity? Confusion? Nausea? Awestruck? All of those words put together would sort of describe my general feelings towards the World Poutine Championships, held on Saturday September 24th, 2011. I'm not sure how you'd feel about numerous men (and one woman) liquifying french fries, gravy, and cheese in one hand, and washing it down with some sort of warm, red substance, "kind of like human blood," was how one friend characterized it.

The winner, and defending champ, Patrick Bertoletti, consumed just under 10 pounds (!) of poutine in 10 minutes. To put that in perspective, let me list a few other things that weigh approximately 10 pounds. A newborn human baby weighs around 7 on average. He ate a BABY and a HALF. A bowling ball weighs approximately 10 pounds. Hold up one sec. Picture a bowling ball in your mind. Feel how round it is, the glossy texture, it's comforting weight, the smell of oiled substances, the sound of 10 pins scattering with deadly force. Now imagine eating it. What's really crazy here is that this was actually an off day for him. Last year he won the competition by eating 13 pounds of poutine. WTF. Let me do a little math for you:

One New York Fries poutine is approximately half a pound, according to http://caloriecount.about.com/calories-new-york-poutine-i121729 this tasty dish has:

710 calories

58% of daily recommended fat intake

50% of daily saturated fat intake

15% of daily cholesterol intake

41% of daily sodium intake

Not really a healthy snack for sure. Let's extrapolate how much 13 POUNDS OF POUTINE is:

18460 calories (2000-2400 calories is recommended). That's 923% more than recommended.

1508% of daily fat intake

1300% of saturated fat intake

390% of cholesterol intake

1066% of sodium intake

That means it should take me nine and a quarter days to eat what he ate in 10 minutes!! Just incredible. Or perhaps ridiculous. I'll let you decide. Here are more world records of the second ranked eater in the world. Apparently he's an up and coming star:

1. 16" Pizza: 47 slices big apple pizza / 10 Minutes
2. Blueberry Pie (Hands-Free): 9.17 lbs blueberry pie / 8 minutes
3. Chicken wings: 4.1 lbs / in 8 Minutes
4. Chocolate: 1 lbs, 15.5 oz Chicago Chocolate Hearts / 7 minutes
5. Corned Beef & Cabbage: 10.63 lbs Corned Beef & Cabbage / 10 Minutes
6. Corned Beef Sandwiches: 11 8-ounce Corned Beef Sandwiches / 10 minutes
7. Date Nut Bread: 29.5 Chock full o'Nuts Date Nut Bread and Cream Cheese Sandwiches / 8 minutes
8. Doughnuts, Cream-filled: 47 Glazed and Cream-filled Doughnuts / 5 minutes^[11]
9. Grits: 21 lbs of Grits / 10 minutes^[11]
10. Ice Cream, Short form: 1.75 pounds (gallons) Brooklyn Vanilla Ice Cream / 8 minutes^[12]
11. Jalapeños, Pickled: 98 Pickled Jalapeño Peppers after 47 donuts / 5 Minutes
12. Jalapeños, Pickled: 191 Pickled Jalapeño Peppers / 6.5 Minutes
13. Jalapeños, Pickled: 263 Pickled Jalapeño Peppers / 15 Minutes
14. Key Lime Pie: 10.8 pounds Key Lime Pie / 8 minutes^[11]
15. Kolaches: 44 Cherry Kolaches / 8 Minutes^[11]
16. Oysters, Short Form: 34 dozen Acme oysters / 8 Minutes^[11]
17. Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches: 42 PB&J / 10 minutes^[11]
18. Posole: 9 lbs, 3 ounces Posole / 12 Minutes
19. Shoo-Fly Pie: 11.1 Pounds Shoo-Fly Pie / 8 Minutes
20. Strawberry Rhubarb Pie: 7.9 lbs Strawberry Rhubarb Pie / 8 minutes
21. Strawberry Shortcake: 15.25 lbs Strawberry Shortcake / 8 Minutes
22. Waffles: 29 Waffles (8 oz.) / 10 Minutes^[11]
23. Whole Turkey: 4 pounds, 12.8 ounces roast turkey meat / 12 minutes
24. Whole Turkey, Short Form: 6.91 lbs roast turkey meat / 8 Minutes^[11]

Next year, I think I'll train for the amateur competition. Apparently, only 2.5 pounds would net me the trophy there. That's only a third of a baby.