Monthly Challenge: Palmistry

It seems that seeing a psychic has gone to your head a little hasn't it Sam?

Actually, it was quite inspirational. So far, one prediction has come true, and one seems on the verge of veracity. My interest has been piqued to the point where I want to learn more. I want to learn how to read palms.

Didn't you get a tarot card reading? Weren't you told that palmistry is a little less specific/accurate?

These are both valid points and I cannot refute them adequately. Therefore, I will bring up two points that will demonstrate the practicality of my choice, rather than focusing on its predictive value. One, I am too cheap and lazy to buy a pack of tarot cards. I am unemployed after all. Related to this point, I would look like a huge nerd if I were to carry around a pack of tarot cards everywhere I went. In most social situations, palms are more readily available. Unless it was really cold, or I was at a tarot card convention, or I happen to be involved in an amputee fund raiser. That was terrible, forgive me. The second point is that tarot card reading looks too complicated. There are 78 cards and they all interact in some crazy way, depending on your energy flow and karma and the amount of money you pay the tarot card reader. That's way too much to learn in a month.

So what's with this monthly challenge gimmick? Sounds like a lame way to boost your blog's pageview count.

That's fair, nowadays at least 50% of my motivation for most activities is to produce an entertaining blog post, and gain the fleeting respect and interest of my peers. In the end though I always feel empty, like a cheap hooker who attempts to fill her ever present void with male genitalia, only to realize that their companionship is based on her willingness to embarrass herself, rather than her goodness as a person. Love me for me, not for my eloquent penmanship dammit! I digress slightly. More seriously, challenging myself to accomplish feats of skill and daring seems like a good way to stretch myself beyond what I am currently capable. Theoretically, I could also gain a plethora of useful abilities that are likely to benefit me in the long term. I could learn a language (not really) or make the perfect souffle or learn several mammalian mating calls. You know, for when I'm alone in a hispanic-speaking rainforest, with nothing to sustain me but fluffy egg-based desserts and the carnal delights of three-toed sloths.

There are rules for this sort of thing.
1. The challenge is something that can be reasonably accomplished within the time frame of one month. Alas, warp drive technology may be slightly ambitious.
2. The challenge must be moderately challenging. For example, napping for 20 minutes is not challenging. Napping for 4 hours is. Ah, the possibilities of unemployment!
3. Progress on the completion of the challenge must be blogged at least twice per month. For more pageviews.
4. The challenge must have a measurable, objective endpoint. For example, if I am able to convince a complete stranger that I can assess their personality via palm identification, then I win.

Well, how are you even going to pull this off?

Through various internet sources. Duh. Luckily, it's quite cheap to become proficient in palmistry. Approximately $3 can earn you basic knowledge, and $10 can give you an in-depth 398 page textbook, replete with 480 illustrations and chapter review quizzes. Also, this textbook has received excellent reviews, just listen to these amazing testimonials:

Subject: your fabulous book
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 07:56:45 -0700
From: "Kim McGaw" (xxxx@chickmail.com)
Organization: ChickMail (http://www.chickmail.com:80)

Dear Larry,

I have thoroughly enjoyed your book. It is already dog-eared and worn from use.

Have had a blast reading friend's hands. This book has been passed around the dorm like a strumpet. Just LOVE those tests and reviews at the end of each chapter--so unique. Of all the books I have, yours is referenced the most because it is easiest to use.

Thanks!

Kim McGaw

I ask you this: how many other books have been compared to a strumpet? None. Because no other books are this awesome. Also, any book that encourages hot college co-eds to read is impressive.

From: Megan Twisk xxxx@vic.chariot.net.au
Nov 12, 2006 10:15 PM

Hi Larry,

Have just paid a small fortune for a course in palmistry, your info is far better!!

Thank you, Megan

So cost effective!! Better than an entire course in palmistry! Where are these courses offered btw? Sounds like a science requirement for phys ed majors.

Admit it, this is just some weird and slightly creepy way to hit on attractive ladies.

You should see next month's challenge.