Joy in 3 Parts: Reflected Joy

I promised myself that I would use this space for honesty and bravery, a venue for sharing and releasing my experiences into the greater consciousness, especially if those experiences grew beyond my emotional capacity for containment. For the most part I've done that, although the most truthful of my articles have come from the darker places (see here and here). It was partly the feelings of the moment, and partly a proving to myself that the other side of life, the one that isn't fluffy and entertaining, can be delved into without a loss of self.

But now, I am in a different place, and it is time to be honest with other, lighter, but equally powerful feelings. This is a little easier.

Joy. Happiness. Elation. Thesaurus it to death and I'm not sure you'd ever get to this emotion's essence. On some level it is to be felt, lived and breathed, run through and dived into, an immersive experience. Putting into words, this feeling, is doing a great injustice to its spontaneity and its great energy, but, that's all I have. So I'm going to use some examples from my life to portray Joy as I've known it, and hopefully you can recognize a little of it in you, through me.

Reflected Joy: Ed and Jen in Brief

There are certain people that are open and honest with their feelings, that share their experiences freely with others and bask in others' feelings in return. My friend Ed is not really one of those guys. I've known Ed now for about 15 years so that, over the course of my life, I've known him longer than I haven't known him. And it's familiar and good. He's the guy who's great to have on road trips, who calmly accepts life circumstances, who never gets mad, who is the calm base upon which I loft my creative flags. Ed is pretty much imperturbable. The keel of equanimity that is always present, which I rely on for steadying through his presence more than his words. Now take all that I have just said, and imagine this man leading up to, and on one of the happiest days of his life. The day he proposed to his girlfriend.

Now, consider Jen and the effect that she has had on Ed, a transformation that will henceforth be known as JEd. Jen is the kind of lady who makes nice people feel like they could be a little nicer. On a scale of nicety, she'd be right up there with Mary Poppins or Captain Planet. I have never been to her apartment without being offered a least two types of fruit/baked goods/candy. She's sneaky nice, in that you'll politely refuse and then suddenly there is freshly washed produce in front of you, glistening so enticingly that you subconsciously accept her hospitality. Resisting her niceness is ultimately futile. Jen is also sunny, and kind of fills the space around her with constant rays of warmth and smiles. Ed is frequently in that space and the object of her glad-beams. Watching Ed and Jen is like watching two mirrors, reflecting each other's affection back and forth, until you can't help but smile in their loving presence. JEd is different from regular Ed because JEd is much more animated. He laughs more, goofs off more, melts a little more, encircles Jen more. Ed the rock becomes JEd the plexiglass, pliable to her presence, yet still retaining its sturdiness. It is no exaggeration to say that I have never seen Ed more happy than when he is JEd. There is a smile he has that is for her alone. It is adorable.

I was recently given the honor of helping Ed and Jen out with their proposal. It was a very detailed process involving 5 boxes of christmas lights, a portable battery, 5 tropicana cardboard boxes, two types of tape, fireworks, mathematical calculations, an 11 story apartment balcony, multiple angry dog owners, two types of cameras and me. Without meaning to sound egotistical (and surely failing), the whole proposal hinged on my ability to ensure there were no technical glitches with the electronics and the pyrotechnics, and that the moment was captured with enough grace to avoid a lifetime of embarrassing memories. But, in exchange, I got to be the first one to see them in one of the happiest moments of their lives. Ground zero for the blast radius of their joy. The moments after the proposal (which was flawless by the way) will be forever engrained in my consciousness. Receiving a call from Ed and hearing a voice that was almost unrecognizable in its excitement, "SHE SAID YES!" and I felt like the night suddenly grew 10 degrees warmer and my body 10% lighter. Then the two of them bursting out their apartment complex, grinning without any sort of self-consciousness, just kind of gliding across the street and into my congratulatory embraces. Jen admiring our sign work, Ed laughing at the recounting of my firework escapades, taking pictures of the newly fianceed, in their serendipitously matching outfits. And the feeling, the feeling was like lying in the sand, on a warm afternoon, every molecule of your body relaxed and tingling, suffused with the rightness of everything. I didn't know I could feel this happy for other people until that very moment. There was Ed though, one of my truest and deepest friends, and there was Jen, his perfect foil. And there was this moment. Their joy and my happiness met somewhere inside me, made friends, had a party, and became so rowdy that I had no idea who started it, nor did I care. This was joy unfiltered from another source and I was just a receptacle, happily floating in the moment.

So, to the happy couple. Congratulations again. And thank you for sharing your joy with me.